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Rob Nanninga, The Lion

* Please make a lion jump to Lion Hearts 2017 Part III Wordpress to arrive at the revamped and expanded version of this blog *



Rob Nanninga, The Lion, Only Conquered By Love

Since you left, Rob, Lion, I have seen you in my mind's eye while I was cycling. I saw you standing on the side of the road, casually leaning against trees, smiling at me. I felt you, 'sitting' on my rear bicycle rack, enjoying the ride too, while you held and kissed my right hand that I held behind my back, while you hugged me from behind in joy. I saw you while you colored a rainbow in the sky for me. While my bike sped forwards, I felt you kissing me as the brilliant, flashing beams of sunlight passed through my eyelids. 

And I had so many of out-of-body experiences in 2014, the year you went away. I will tell more about it.

Bésame mucho

Besame, besame mucho,
Como si fuera esta noche la última vez,
Besame, besame mucho,
Que tengo miedo a perderte, perderte despues [twice]

Quiero sentirte muy cerca mirarme en tus ojos verte junto a mí
Piensa que tal vez mañana yo ya estare lejos, muy lejos de ti
Kiss me a lot

Kiss me, kiss me a lot,
As if tonight were the last time
Kiss me, kiss me a lot,
For I'm scared to lose you, to lose you afterwards

I want to feel you very close, see myself in your eyes, see you near me
Think that maybe tomorrow I'll already be far, very far away from you


 
 


Part I: Story Rob and Constantia

To frauds and unsubstantiated believers (are there any substantiated believers?) Rob was an angry lion they maybe even feared. But to people who really knew him, he was the soft and caring lion. He showed that warm and loving side to me publicly once, giving me a warm virtual hug (picture). I guess people who knew him were very surprised, because Rob rarely - maybe even never - showed this side in public. 

I 'met' Rob on www.fok.nl in a topic about Dutch fraud medium Robbert van den Broeke. (I don't take words like 'fraud' lightheartedly, but after many years of research, mine and others, I feel justified). In fact, I opened the the major part of the 52 sequels of this topic. Here's a link to Sequel 52 where all the previous sequels are linked.
From the beginning, I had this latent fascination for Rob Nanninga, I had never seen his picture and never met him physically, but for some inexplicable reason, his name/person stuck. 

I acknowledge that Robbert van den Broeke has been a medium in another way: he brought me into contact with Skepsis. Rob was 'Parameter' on Fok and I didn't know or realize that I was actually talking to Rob Nanninga already, but I did feel a blind recognition. The first sparks of magic occurred, especially in the first months of 2006; reading his comments on Fok was like reading my own thoughts. I was surprised, thrilled, but again: I didn't know it was the Editor-In-Chief of the Dutch Skepter whom I was talking to.

I made this recap (see picture series at bottom), showing a tiny fragment of our FOK communication. One day I wrote on FOK, very cheerfully: "I am going to write Nanninga to tell him... " (while in fact I was talking to 'Parameter' at the same time). This was the straw for Rob, he replied per email and revealed he was 'Parameter' (signature: "Magic is measurable - Measuring is knowing, if you know what to measure"). Being the extremely honest person he always is, it wasn't his style anyway, keeping secrets or hiding behind nicks. He made sure I and other closely involved like Jurgen Deleye from www.grenswetenschap.nl knew he was Parameter and even signed a couple of emails to me and others with "Parameter". 

Here's a part of the email in which he explained he was "Parameter":

February 8, 2006

Hallo Sten,

[...]

Ook nog bedankt voor de reclame op Fok! Dat is een leuk
forum. Ik zal je maar verklappen dat ik sinds enige tijd zelf
post onder de naam Parameter, maar dat hoeft niet bekend
te worden. Ik schrijf daar gewoon voor mezelf en niet voor
de stichting.

Sommigen hebben nogal extreme ideeën over skeptici. Misschien
ligt dat ook aan onze naam. Skepsis heeft voor velen een negatieve
klank, al behoort eigenlijk iedere wetenschapper skeptisch te zijn.
Bij de oprichting heb ik ervoor gestemd de stichting Parameter te
noemen, maar de meesten vonden dat toch geen goed idee.

[...]


Hello Sten,

[...]

Also thanks for advertising on Fok! That's a nice
forum. I'll just tell you that I for some time have been posting
under the name Parameter, but this doesn't need to become
public knowledge. I write just for myself there and not for
the foundation.

Some have rather extreme ideas about skeptics. Maybe
it's because of our name. To many, Skepticism has a negative
ring to it, though actually every scientist needs to be skeptical.
At the founding of Skepsis, I voted for the name Parameter,
but most felt that was not a good idea.


[...]

I already told something about our shared history in previous posts, this website 1 2, and on Skepsis too, and I will elaborate on it a little further. 

Let me tell you about a couple, very remarkable moments in time. I had some very special out-of-body experiences (and related events) and Jan Willem Nienhuys (Rob's friend and Secretary and Board Member of Dutch Skepsis) and Rob were a part of them. 

On January 18, 2008 I had this OBE like event, maybe it was a dream, but with such enormous realistic impact, and so memorable, that I have declared it to be of astral and timeless impact. In this OBE like event, Jan Willem Nienhuys and Rob Nanninga visited my house in Scheveningen together. They were two friends honoring me and my house with a friendly visit. I saw them walking in the streets of Scheveningen in the evening, approaching my house and climbing the stairs to the second floor, where Jeroen and I were living at that time. Everything was looking the way Scheveningen would usually look in the evening (I lived there for about eight years, 2004-2011, together with Jeroen). With genuine interest they viewed the house and we talked some. I had a very pleasant feeling about this visit.

On April 24, 2008, I had this again timeless OBE like event, that bonded me to Rob forever. I already mentioned it in the other post. This time I am willing to reveal its main content, though it could be considered personal.

It was evening/night. There was a campfire and I was in the company of men who liked me, I could tell. (I don't remember if there were any women, but there were men). Later, we were walking or sitting around the campfire. Rob Nanninga was already sitting at the campfire. I was still walking, close to the fire and I came past him at short distance, intending to go right and sit myself down somewhere. I could see what he looked like, though in concealing light of evening. He had his real-life appearance, resembling the Rob I saw in this low resolution video clip, in which he confronts Rasti Rostelli in a TV show. Rob stretched his arm and motioned for me to remain on the spot and he then pulled me towards him, giving me a very intense stare with a deep desire in it. I looked at him wonderingly, but agreed silently and immediately, by what I saw in his eyes. I ended up on his lap, we both sat with our legs stretched, mine on top of his, my back against his body. 

We sat there for a long time like this and I suspected (in the OBE event itself) we were attracting some attention because of it by now.

Rob dropped his grip loose and I now had opportunity to turn around and look at him. I was shocked by his aberrant teeth. I suspected that I saw them like this, because of the way he had been roaring at me sometimes as a skeptic, because of course, I am the 'astral traveler' and have written books about my OBEs and he had a lot to say about that.

 > Nota bene: March 14, 2007 I had a dream (?) about Rob's teeth already:

I quote from my diary:

I dreamed that I met Rob Nanninga, he had a mustache and the beginning of a beard, he had slightly reddish hair. He had strange teeth, but this was a bit camouflaged by his mustache. He said he sometimes let his beard grow. He was clearly interested in me, we were, I believe, next to each other on the train (...) <

Moments later, the cheerful atmosphere continued and two men sang to me while I was at a higher elevation than they were. I had to laugh heartily. They sang: "Companies seem very small here." Later, I interpreted this as follows: It seems that what you undertake on earth is unimportant, in my case: always trying to reduce/close the gap between skeptics and 'believers'. My efforts seem(ed) mostly fruitless, senseless even, but these two thought otherwise. Steps undertaken do seem to be very small , 'the companies', but in fact, they are a lot bigger than they appear.

For years, I didn't tell Rob about this 'event', but I did tell him on Thursday, 31 May 2012. (he never responded to it). I had only summarized the event, so it was not as detailed as I am telling you right now. 

There were a lot of signs that I had known unconsciously Rob was going away. It explained my behavior towards him, sometimes explicitly declaring my love in words like: "Liefste Rob" ("Beloved Rob"), "I love you" and "I can see you with my eyes closed, even if you were at the other end of the universe." I didn't write like that all the time, but it slipped through my (virtual) pen now and then and again and again, I just couldn't help myself. He often did not answer (directly) and as it took me too long, I would send another email with the subject: "Leef je nog?" (Are you still alive?"), and then he usually did answer immediately, like it was some kind of magic phrase.

Rob started calling himself "Bor" as signature in some emails since November 8, 2011. When I asked him if he had seen the movie "Another Earth" about two earths, he told me he hadn't seen it yet and concluded his email with the name "Bor". 
The emails thus ending with this "parallel-world name" were the e-mails in which he was most relaxed. I don't know if he used this name in emails to me only. 

May 26, 2012, I had been complaining to Rob about Jan Willem Nienhuys whom I called the "King Of Off Topic" for the occasion. Jan Willem had had the nerve to compare me online with some internet troll ("Harry Smit") and that had angered me. Considering Jan Willem a good friend, I was very pissed off and was ventilating my feelings towards Rob. Rob, on May 27, 2012, tried to soothe me, explaining Jan Willem was a kind of School Master who always wants to explain everything, adding: "Take an example of this relaxed bonobos: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82GUjPConiE". I replied: "Yes I know that monkey story already. Constantly banging around. But are you suggesting I have to do it with JW??" Then Rob went silent, but it was as if I could hear him gasping for air.

In 2012 we had a fierce collision. My feelings for him were so prevalent, it started to interfere in my daily life and I started feeling real guilty about it towards Jeroen. I told Jeroen, how often I was thinking about Rob, but he was not mad at me. Before this meltdown, Rob and I were buddying up on a more personal level, that is: he was, because I always had been 'personal' to him. He started telling me about his hair color, his eyes and glasses and that he tried contacts for some time, and he sent me this photo of him and told me that "somebody" had sent it to him, not mentioning that certain somebody was his girlfriend Jolanda. It was this photo:



He sent me a short movie clip he had made with an app that had added age and movement to his photo. He was in a mellow mood.

On June 5, 2012, I invited Rob to come visit me in the United States. I wanted to meet him and see what would happen. I had talked with my husband Jeroen about it and sent Jan Willem Nienhuys and Jeroen a copy of my invitation. This clearly caused upward momentum in our shared destiny. Rob obviously didn't want to come, but seemed surprised and baffled. I confronted him and asked him if he had put me on hold for seven years, asking him if he had been honest, because, after all, this had been his trade mark. He emailed June 13, 2012, that he talked to his girlfriend about it and that he did tell her about me sometimes. He had now told her it was "over" between us and that she reacted somewhat surprised:

"Ik heb haar gisteren ook meteen verteld dat het nu "uit" is. Dat vond ze wel een wat wonderlijke mededeling. "Maar ze was toch getrouwd?" "Ja, maar ik moet toch naar de VS, want dat vindt haar man geen probleem." We hebben het er niet lang over gehad. Ze is tamelijk onverstoorbaar."

"I also immediately told her yesterday that it's "over" now. She found it a somewhat strange statement. "But she was married?" "Yes, but I have yet to go the US, because that, her husband finds no problem." We didn't speak about it very long. She is quite imperturbable."

Some readers will feel this is private information. Even though it is, I need to tell this, because this story would not be comprehendible without it. It explains what happened (and: what didn't happen) in our contact. We had a serious melt down, he wrote that he thought we didn't fit together. He never said he didn't love me or had no feelings for me whatsoever. I countered that I thought we did fit together and that we would have a lot of fun together. But I didn't know what to do and how to proceed, because I love Jeroen so much too.

And then a long silence began and it lasted until November 2012. Even though I still thought about him every day, I now refused to email him and of course, he didn't email me. There was some contact over the Robbert van den Broeke fraud again in November 2012 and he did sent me the "Skepter" on November 20, 2012. Then, another, very long period of silence began and it lasted until April 9, 2014.

In 2013, I repeatedly tried to reestablish contact with Rob, but didn't succeed. I missed him dearly and couldn't stop thinking about him. Often when I was biking, tears would well in my eyes, thinking about Rob, so far away, in Groningen, The Netherlands. 

When Jeroen asked Rob for closure on January 27, 2013, because I had asked him to do so (hoping he would respond to Jeroen, because he wasn't responding to me anymore), asking if Rob would be willing to email me some "strong words" showing that he had no feelings for me whatsoever, it was dead silent again. Rob didn't answer Jeroen or me, refusing apparently to handle it this way. And it was not that he didn't like Jeroen, because he always was very attentive to him, sometimes paying his respect with "Greetings to Jeroen". This time, he just didn't answer him. It confirmed me in my idea that Rob actually did have feelings for me. Surely, it would have been so easy to discourage me, saying: "I don't love you, Constantia, forget about it." But not to Rob, who would never say anything he didn't mean. Again, I was dangling at a string, agonizing, hoping.

Early 2014, I had 'acted funny' about Rob, before Rob's passing away; on the receiving end skeptics Jan Willem Nienhuy and Pepijn van Erp. Only in retrospect, I again understand, I must have had some kind of unconscious premonition. I emailed Pepijn, asking him if he ever thought about taking over the editorship of the Skepter, even though I knew Rob wasn't that old, so why did I ask Pepijn anyway? Before inquiring, I was adding some remarks about Rob's IMO changed behavior, January 29, 2014:


"Wat is er toch met Rob, je ziet hem vrijwel nooit meer op internet?"

"What's wrong with Rob, you hardly see him on the Internet anymore?"

And on the same day, I wrote Pepijn:

"Hoi Pepijn.

Ik begrijp het niet, vroeger was hij zo actief op internet.
Wil hij het redacteurschap van Skepter aan jou overdragen misschien?
Waar is hij zo druk mee dan?
En hoe zag hij eruit?

Groetjes,

C."

"Hi Pepijn.

I do not understand, as he used to be so active on the Internet.
Maybe he wants to transfer the editorship of Skepter to you?
What's he so busy with then?
And what did he look like?

Greetings,

C."

After this email, I sent Pepijn another email with some more observations about Rob, how he used to be and wasn't anymore, IMO, that was.

I reacted and wrote on impulse. And I had an elaborate correspondence in February 2014, with Jan Willem Nienhuys about Rob on two main topics I chose: I felt that Rob should be paid more for his work on the Skepter Magazine and the Skepsis website, and I felt it was time, that Rob had to be put in the limelight for once (by the Skepsis Board). In hindsight my 'funny' behavior thus emailing with Jan Willem and Pepijn about Rob in 2014 became much more meaningful.

I bough a jade "Ruji Scepter" for Rob on eBay and had it sent to him from China without my name, because I was afraid he would refuse it, if it would have my name on it. On April 9, 2014, I finally emailed Rob again, asking if he had received it (that was months after he had received it, but I got a reminder from eBay, asking me to give the seller feedback, and I therefore had to know if Rob received it, and of course, I wanted to email him too). 
To my delight, he answered me on the same day:

"Wel ontvangen, maar inmiddels weggegeven aan scholieren die aan deur dingen wilden ruilen, omdat ik niet wist wat het was en er ook geen afzender op stond (behalve China).

Groeten,
Rob"

"Received but now given away to door-to-door students who wanted to swap stuff, because I didn't  know what it was and there was no sender also (except China).

regards,

Rob"


Curiously, I then asked him what he had traded the Ruji Scepter for. He replied:

"Ik dacht dat het misschien was van het bedrijf dat de USB-kaarten had geleverd, want dat zat in China. Zulke bedrijven sturen als klantenbinding misschien wel eens rare dingen. Ook van de Nederlandse firma ontving ik iets waarvan ik niet weet waarvoor het dient. Ik heb er slechts een doosje paperclips voor teruggekregen. Dat viel wat tegen. Hopelijk heeft het je niet veel gekost. Als ik had geweten wat het was, had ik hem wel bewaard. De scholieren dachten dat het een soort handvat was, maar dat leek me onwaarschijnlijk. Ze zullen het vermoedelijk weer geruild hebben.

Als troost kun je de nieuwste cd van Darkwood ophalen:

www.skepsis.nl/darkwood2013.zip

Vooral het tweede nummer, Fliegergedicht, is mooi.
"Wir treiben kein leichtes, vermessenes Spiel,
wir haben ein stolzes, ein köstliches Ziel!" ...

Er staan helaas ook veel Engelstalige nummers op. Ik heb liever Duits.
De nieuwe Skepter heb ik ook bijgevoegd.

Groeten,
Rob"

"I thought maybe it was the company that had supplied USB cards, because it was in China. Such companies sometimes send, as loyalty gift maybe, strange things. Also, I received something from a Dutch company and I didn't know what it was for. I have recovered only a box with paper clips for it. That was a bit disappointing. Hopefully, it didn't cost you much. If I had known what it was, I would have kept it. The students thought it was some kind of handle, but that seemed unlikely. They will probably have swapped it again.

As a consolation, you can download the latest CD of Darkwood:

www.skepsis.nl/darkwood2013.zip

Especially the second track, Fliegergedicht is beautiful.
"Wir treiben kein leichtes, vermessenes Spiel,
wir haben ein Stolzes, ein köstliches Ziel! "...

Unfortunately, there are also many English songs. I prefer German.
The new Skepter I also attach.

Regards,

Rob"


Then it went silent again. I emailed Rob several times, trying to restore our contact further, but again, he fell into an unbreakable silence. I had teased him a little, saying the Ruji Scepter wás like a 'handle', a handle for a better life. My second last email to him before he passed away, was an email with the subject: "I still have it all :-)" on May 8, 2014. The body of my email contained only the link to the YT clip he had sent me on December 5, 2011 : The Black Keys - Lonely Boy.

In my last email on May 12, 2014, I was shiftlessly trying to get it right with him again, ending my email saying:

"Ik hoop dat je weet dat ik veel van je houd (in ieder geval als vriend), en dat dit niet veranderd is en nooit zal veranderen.
En dat je hier geen waardeoordeel aan geeft, het is namelijk de waarheid.

Constantia"

"I hope you know how much I love you (as a friend anyway), and that this has not changed and will never change.
And don't give a value judgment here, as it is the truth.

Constantia"

The message of doom came on May, 30 2014. Jan Willem Nienhuys emailed me. I was totally devastated and had felt something was wrong, exactly at the time of Rob's passing away:

Thursday evening, May 29, 2014, Californian time, about nine o'clock - early Friday morning in Netherlands - very suddenly, I really felt very out of sorts. Like hearing the deafening sound of screeching tires of a car right next to you braking, but in your heart. Like everything was intensely wrong. I wanted to play a racing game ("Test Drive Unlimited") and I was trying to adjust he racing wheel, but I didn't succeed and I out of the blue became very angry and destructive. I called Jeroen to help me, but a few seconds later said angrily: "Oh, never mind, I don't want to play anymore anyways!"

I was really shaken badly, but had no clue why. The displeased feeling stayed and the next morning we had an appointment at the dentist. On the way back, I had words with Jeroen about his driving (I asked if he could change lanes, but he angrily said that he was the one driving). The same feeling of the evening before like "I don't care anymore" came over me. Evilly, I pulled the gear lever in its parking position, right on the (busy) highway. The car stopped abruptly and Jeroen had  to steer into the emergency lane which fortunately still went. Now Jeroen was also, understandably, very upset, but with me. That was a dangerous action of mine.
I could not explain it, to me everything seemed pointless since Thursday evening, I was totally out of sorts.

When we returned home, I went to my computer and scanned the subjects of incoming emails and to my utter dismay read the message about Rob's death, written to me by our mutual (Rob and mine) friend Jan Willem Nienhuys. I broke down, locked myself in the bathroom and cried vehemently and immeasurably. I still cry very often about Rob, though I do it when nobody is watching. I think - Thursday evening, May 29, Californian time, equaling early morning May 30, 2014 in the Netherlands, I had felt Rob slipping away. They found him on Friday morning (and again: Thursday evening in California).

I started this blog planning to tell mainly about my frequent OBEs since Rob's passing, not to write 'our story', but along the way, I noticed I wás writing our story instead and before reaching the OBE point at all. The story was getting longer and longer and I now felt that I had to be as accurate as possible, so I looked things up, wanting to give it the solid base it always has had. In retrospect, I can see this is like a jigsaw puzzle now falling into one piece. This is not making it any easier to me, in fact, it hurts badly to relive it all, again and again, but even to me, it is very strange how everything seems to fall into one piece. Now I have reached the OBE point and I will tell about my 'astral' explosion, triggered by Rob's departure.







Part II: Out-Of-Body Experiences before and after Rob's passing away

MY OBEs all take place in the evening, night or early morning. Sometimes I have astral experiences in the daytime too, especially in 2014 to this year, 2015. I will start with my 'biking experiences'. I already mentioned that I often cried in silence while biking in Davis and surrounding areas, thinking about Rob, being so far away, while he was still alive.
From the day he passed on, my biking tears still welled, but now in the light of his passing. For some time now, I cycle rather far distances (what I consider rather far): on average between 42 and 46 miles (68-74 km) and this takes me about 3 to 3.5 hours (I'm not a race-biker but a casual biker), not counting the short stopping intervals (I mostly return home after about 4 hours). (I won't want to compare myself to Jeroen who bikes faster and further than I ever will with mileages of 80-150 miles at a time and speeds over 30mph). I guess biking brings me in an 'Alpha state of mind'. In daily life meaning: obviously my brain sets into some kind of 'meditation mode'. Please note that I have no affinity with all kinds of new age hypes like yoga and meditation (though yoga has been around for quite some time), and I that I even feel aversion towards trends like that, but there is something substantial to these different types of brain waves. I think my mind sets into a perceptive and special mode in which the knowledge of Rob on the other side (if the other side exists, which I still can't prove) comes easily, bringing both bliss and torment. Since he passed away, I have been 'seeing' and feeling him during my long bike rides, especially in the surroundings of the little town of Winters (thus when I biked a respectable distance already). My biking has become like a date with the 'astral Rob', and on some days I really feel the need to go biking again, because I want to 'see' him like that.

I especially 'see' him 'leaning against fruit and walnut and almond trees (trees that you see very much in the area of Davis and Winters), and other beautiful trees; casually, sometimes partially hidden, but always looking and smiling at me. And then my knees go weak and my tears start welling in my eyes again. It is a combination of ultimate bliss and despair.

Regularly, I have this feeling he's 'sitting' behind me on my bike rack, as my bike companion, enjoying the ride as much as I do, holding my right hand that I stretch behind my back as a sign that I hope or know he's there. I have felt the soft, warm Californian air filled with his warm and loving being, I've seen him in my mind's eye, eager to make me happy while painting rainbows in the sky. When closing my eyes and the light shattering my vision, there was this image that I was laying down with my eyes closed, like in the fresh morning light and Rob kissing me on my lips. And then I, time and time again, fall apart. 

Sometimes I feel him in our house, just like if he would be there physically.

It didn't take long before I started feeling his presence after May 30, 2014. On June 5, 2014, I left for South Lake Tahoe on my own. Jeroen was away for a long-established work Drupal Congress in Texas all week long (as if this all was meant to be), and I had to deal with Rob's passing alone. So I went away and drove up to this beautiful place. First, I planned to stay only one day and night, but I extended my stay, and booked another night in the hotel. There, for the first time after he passed away, he manifested himself, if I have interpreted the events right, and to this day, this remains undecided. I was walking at South Lake Tahoe and it was like he was there at my side. Suddenly I 'heard' him saying both shy and eager: "Afterwards, we go to your room?" It was like we were having a date. I won't elaborate on this further, because the events were very exploratory and somehow 'undecided', but in these days, June 5-7 2014, he had 'returned' to my life already. 

By now, maybe you think I must be crazy and out of my mind (the latter does apply for sure wink) and I can't and won't stop you, so be my guest. There is nothing I can do about it.

It took about one month after that, then my OBEs count started skyrocketing. Normally, I'm having an OBE or OBE like event every 8 days on average, this number now turned to a staggering once in 3.4 days! You see, I have been counting. Since 1986 I have recorded my dreams and OBEs on a daily base, and in this manner, I'm able to keep a reliable track of everything.

Here's a table:

OBE
YEAR
YEAR OBE
COUNT
1 1986 4
2 1987 16
3 1988 19
4 1989 40
5 1990 53
6 1991 32
7 1992 51
8 1993 48
9 1994 44
10 1995 52
11 1996 50
12 1997 78
13 1998 70
14 1999 61
15 2000 56
16 2001 53
17 2002 52
18 2003 38
19 2004 44
20 2005 47
21 2006 47
22 2007 45
23 2008 40
24 2009 42
25 2010 40
26 2011 38
27 2012 36
28 2013 43
29 2014 80

- 55 involving Rob
- Before he passed away: 4
- After he passed: 51
TOTAL OF
29 YEARS
  1319
AVERAGE PER YEAR 1319 : 29
YEARS =
 
45.50
AVERAGE SPREAD 365 DAYS : 45.50 =  1 EVERY 8 DAYS
  JUNE 1 '14
-
DEC 31 '14

SINCE ROB'S
PASSING

=
214 DAYS
63

214 DAYS : 63

=

1 EVERY 3.4 DAYS

Let me start with the immediately preceding years. I count 18 OBEs and significant dreams about Rob in 2012. This was the year he and I started on a more two-way, personal level. Most of these events include astral love, eroticism and some imposing dreams about Rob moving to the USA and living in my direct surrounding, even in the same house as me. I had this astral image on April 27, 2012, Rob said: "Altijd u bescherme"; this is rather old Dutch, meaning: "Always protecting you". 
The trend continued in 2013, with yet again a significant OBE like event about Rob moving to the USA: he was smoking outside at the front side house of our house in Davis, shy, like collecting his courage to court me. At the time of that event, I didn't even realize that he smoked (at least: not that I remember, he never told me) and in 2014 - after his passing - his girlfriend Jolanda sent me a photo of him and her, and he was holding a cigaret, so Rob did smoke. In this OBE like event he picked a very tender and cute tiny yellow flower and gave it to me. I had 16 OBEs and significant dreams about Rob in 2013.
On February 17, 2013 he embraced me astrally, standing behind me (reminding of the powerful OBE in 2014 in which Rob found me after I had been searching for him, see this blog and blog 2 about Rob). 
March 15, 2013, I had this special dream: Rob wrote me a note, starting with "Mia Bella "

So I finally arrived in 2014, bear with me. I will give some examples of what happened during the frequent OBEs and similar events in 2014. 

The year started off significantly, with a meaningful event about Rob on January 26, 2014. Jeroen and I were staying in South Lake Tahoe in a hotel and I saw this astral? image in my mind's eye: I had unintentionally left a rather cryptic note about Rob somewhere, it wasn't meant for him, but in some inexplicable way, he had received and read it. There were some symbolic phrases in it, and I let shimmer through clearly that I needed and loved him and that I wanted him to come to me. I had written in an encrypted manner, still it was legible.

On July 5, 2014, Rob was starting to visit me and was making love to me ( I could only feel him, not see him, but I knew it was him).

I will repeat once again (but it's getting old), that I have no scientific proof that this all actually happened. Still, I choose this mode of writing, because it would be annoying to add words like: "maybe", "so it seemed" and "not scientifically proven" all the time. 

Astral Rob pissed me off on August 1, 2014 by comparing me to fellow Skepsis commenter A. Atsou-Pier (a lady) saying to me that she was an intellectual heavyweight and I was not. Later, I figured it was exactly his intention to piss me off, because he wanted me to challenge myself more intellectually (because I think he assumed I needed to get more out of myself in that way, and it's true: I'm lazy). 

Magical realism

Something very remarkable happened on August 26, 2014. As always I'm absolutely sincere when I say that I couldn't have come up with this myself. So what happened? I was very frustrated astrally looking for Rob, I was in a kind of station concourse, hovering around, calling his name out loud: "Rob Nanninga!" Though I did see a lot of people around there, Rob wasn't one of them. I arrived at a higher elevation spot and dropped myself down while calling "Rob, Rob!", very desperately. This was with the intention of flying, not of something dramatic, please note. Falling astrally is not as dramatic as falling on Earth. A paperclip seemed to be falling as well and it touched my finger and I thought very disappointed: What's this, a paperclip? Just before returning to my physical body, I heard Rob's distant call, calling out my name and some additional words. I couldn't hear what he was saying, but it was clear, he was answering me. 



In my earthly consciousness it suddenly hit me: the paperclip! It wasn't meaningless as I had assumed during the OBE. Remember I bought Rob this little gift, the jade Ruji Scepter, and that he had been trading it off to door-to-door students for a box of paperclips? There you have it. I had teased Rob with this box of paperclips, though as mentioned, he wasn't responding to me anymore after his two emails in 2014. On April 10, 2014 I emailed him:

"Heb je je doosje paperclips nog goed kunnen benutten?"

"Did you make good use of your box of paper clips?"
 

This paperclip was like something to hold on to, proving in a way, that this all in the end is significant... 

This experience, and not only this experience, seem to fit perfectly under the umbrella of magical realism and yes, Rob talked to me about this too on Februar 25, 2006. He was disclosing his one OBE and some experiences with remarkable and predicting dreams to me. He told me about a 'magical' visit he made to the Flemish city of Brugge, I quote some of what he wrote:

"Daarna ben ik nog maar 1 keer in een soort paranormale roes geraakt.
Dat was tijdens een korte vakantie in Brugge waar ik met twee anderen
een meerdaags sprookjescongres bijwoonde. Die week leek veel
op een magisch realistische roman. Er gebeurden een heleboel
verrassende dingen en wonderlijke coïncidenties die allemaal met
elkaar samenhingen, alsof er niks toevallig gebeurde."

"After that, I was in a kind of psychic intoxication only one more time.
That was during a short break in Brugge where I met two others during
a multi-day conference about fairytales. That week seemed much like
a magical realist novel. A lot of surprising things and miraculous
coincidences happened, all were linked together, as if nothing
happened by chance."

September 8, 2014, in my mind, I was literally begging Rob to come visit me, to embrace me and so on. I landed in some strange atmosphere, I wasn't in my Davis bedroom anymore. Here too, I begged him to come to me, and finally, he did. But his behavior was a little 'choppy'. This is something I have noticed a couple of times during my OBEs with him. I can come up with a couple of reasons for this: inexperience with the astral world and its possibilities with the physical world, shyness and insecurity, 'backburner effect': erotic life that on Earth has been neglected for quite some time and time needed to get into the right 'flow' again. Maybe there are other reasons, I don't know. 
This wasn't always the case, during other astral experiences he was very thorough. I only saw him vaguely again (he is not showing himself very clearly unfortunately). I kissed him on the head. At the end he sang an English folk song to me! heart, but I didn't know it and I wasn't able to remember the phrases of the song. 

In my quests for Rob, I ended up several times as it seemed on campus ground. During out-of-body experiences your astral body is automatically pulled towards some 'charged' sites and I suspect them to be places where Rob is or could be residing sometimes. Skeptics may be thinking right now: where Constantia unconsciously thinks Rob is residing. But wouldn't it be amazing that my mind would build a whole 'astral' world around Rob, to make me believe in it. If a brain is capable of being so cunning, then IMO we shouldn't be surprised that it is cunning enough to escape the boundaries of the physical body. But this will remain an unanswered question ("Could this all be true?"). Please don't shoot me for telling about my experiences. Well, if you really must: go right ahead. I can assure I'm not making up any of this. 

I had the most weird OBE on September 21, 2014. I was on campus ground and looking for Rob again. There was this chilly air that I really felt and 'connoisseurs' of the OBE will know this is something unusual. As a spirit, you hardly feel the cold, hardly feel pain, or for example the cold of the rain. Let me try to summarize this experience. Despite of the cold wind, I remained resolute: I wanted this OBE to last and I didn't want to let the cold wind get to me and return to my body prematurely by it (OBEs are very sensitive events, disturbances of physical or physical related events will immediately cause the OBE to be terminated). I searched streets and buildings looking for Rob. "Rob!," I called out loud, "Rob, where are you?"
The most strange thing happened. A spirit with the appearance of Dutch investigative journalist Peter R. de Vries appeared in the hall right in front of me, he was very clearly waiting for me at the end of hallway. For those people to whom this OBE stuff is all new: spirits can shift appearances, albeit for a 'short time'; after that, they will unrelentingly go back to their most appropriate, real form. Or could this be the real Peter R. de Vries on astral journey (he afterwards didn't remember, that's a possibility too, you know)? My mind playing a grand trick? I have no clue. It could be Rob himself, fooling around in the astral world. But this spirit was looking at me with this very serious and eager facial expression. He wanted to tell me something very important, I could see it on his face, he wanted to give me a clue in my quest for Rob. For your reassurance I can tell you, I was as baffled as you probably are (if you care at all), reading this. I thought unbelieving: what the heck is this, why, for crying out loud, does this need to be so complicated? 
I moved myself towards him.

He pointed at the collar of his jacket. It contained several layers. I said: "Looks like a good coat to me, is it a pilot's jacket? He informed me: "This collar contains folders and photos, do you think it has a transmitter?" I replied: "Yes, I would think so; without it, communication to the outer world wouldn't be possible. I guess some kind of 'browser' will be needed."

With this firm expression on his face, he said: "No, there is no transmitter in here. It works with particles of light, they should fall into the right position, then folders and photos will become visible." I said: "Oh, is that it?" Was I supposed to solve some kind of riddle here? To my astonishment, he didn't confirm what he just said, but informed me: "You should ask Mr. Nanninga."
I quote my diary, I thought: What the f... is this? The journey had taken too long already, I had to return to my body. Lying in my bed again, I was baffled, absolutely stunned. Was I sent out on some sort of quest to find Rob, was that it? Hadn't I waited long enough for Rob? Of course, I already had a lot of astral encounters with Rob, but he doesn't really show himself, so I can take a real good look at him. And then this so familiar sympathetic and pedantic tone of voice of 'Peter R. de Vries'. It could have been him, it was a glorified imitation (if it was an imitation). Politely and very sized up, just like Peter R. de Vries. I guess Dutch readers will know what I mean. Could this be Rob himself, shifting into another form, trying to accomplish something? Well, Rob, it isn't working, it's too complicated for me. Writing this blog, it struck me: the 'layers' could refer to the different layers of our existence, the very physical to the very 'enlightened' (and unphysical) ones... Was this some kind of clue how to make the astral world visible? Or was it something else?

Once again returned in my body, I heard music of "The Alan Parsons Project" in my mind, of their album "Gaudi", "La Sagrada Familia", some of the lyrics:

only now, as I write this on January 10, 2015, I see it (bold and color):

[...]
Who knows where the road may lead us, only a fool would say
Who knows if we'll meet along the way
Follow the brightest star as far as the brave may dare
What will we find when we get there?
[...]

La Sagrada Familia, the wind has changed the storm is over
La Sagrada Familia, for the lion and the lamb
La Sagrada Familia, we thank the lord the danger's over
La Sagrada Familia, there's peace throughout the land

[...]
Who knows where the world may turn us, only a fool would say
Who knows what the fates may have in store
Follow the light of truth as far as our eyes can see
How should we know where that may be? How should we know?
[...]

Then the angry skies, the battle cries, the sounds of glory
And for all those years our eyes and ears were filled with tears


Who knows where the road may lead us, only a fool would say
Who knows what's been lost along the way
Look for the promised land in all of the dreams we share
How will we know when we are there? How will we know?
Only a fool would say


La Sagrada Familia, the war is won the battle's over
La Sagrada Familia, for the lion and the lamb

La Sagrada Familia, we thank the lord the danger's over
La Sagrada Familia, behold the mighty hand
La Sagrada Familia, the night is gone the waiting's over
La Sagrada Familia, there's peace throughout the land


Until the next time, until the next time
La Sagrada Familia´╗┐


Read more: The Alan Parsons Project - La Sagrada Familia Lyrics | MetroLyrics


 

Nine days later, I got rewarded big time. I told about it earlier. I will be so free as to copy and paste it here, if you already read it, and don't want to read it again, skip it and go on after the >

Early morning September 30, 2014, I was looking for him again during an OBE. The evening before, I said to Rob in my mind: "Rob, if it that difficult for you to show yourself, please come in a way you can bear, but please come."
I had two out-of-body experiences this early morning. I had extended my search method: I now called his name, but did more than call him. I spoke to people (spirits), giving them his full name ("Do you know Rob Nanninga?" "Have you seen Rob Nanninga?" "If you do, would you please tell him, I'm looking for him?") And I had found another method: I was writing his name on small pieces of paper, handing them out to people (spirits).

Again, I realize to the fullest, Rob's skeptic friends will raise their eyebrows, and maybe, not wanting to appear too mean or grim, will say, I'm dreaming, for sure. I don't see valid evidence that people can not step out of their bodies or move away from a physical point of view/experience. While being a skeptic myself, I still believe and think out-of-body experiences are to be taken very seriously. Maybe a few people will give this a second thought.

So, there I was, having a second out-of-body experience, and having heard the famous whizzing sounds before going out of  body, I was writing his name on a piece of paper at a counter, planning to give it to the guy behind it. Of course, the out-of-body experience was much more elaborate than this, but I'm summarizing the main event.
Suddenly, I felt his strong arms hugging me from behind me and Rob's (astral) body pressing against mine in a bear hug. Taller than me, with his head bend downwards, he was crying intensely with jolts while embracing me. An immense relief came over me, an immense happiness. I just knew it was him, this is like instant knowledge you have during OBEs.

I found him. Or rather: he found me! For whatever reason - but I suspect he couldn't bear it any longer, my fruitless cries for him - he had come, finally. A huge burden fell off me, because now, my fruitless search was over. I stood still; a very experienced astral traveler, I know hectic movements can disturb an out-of-body experience, and I certainly didn't want to disturb this one. But I reached backwards with my arm for him and pressed his arm, to at least respond in some way, other than by being blissfully happy. (Which he certainly felt).



In the evening of October 24, 2014,
I had some sorts of an Rob-epiphany. I had kissed the portrait of Rob I made, I kissed him on the mouth:



and to my shock, something happened, it was as if Rob was kissing me back, as if the portrait had moved forward towards me or come alive for a couple of seconds, as if he wanted to both tease me by this sudden answer, and love me right back. Quite literally it was as if lightning struck. After that, I was sitting on the couch and my whole body and mind were in utter bliss. 

On October 30, 2014, there was this very long loving encounter, Rob was loving me for hours. I calculated, based on the start and end time (I had lain awake and was aware of the time I fell asleep, and the time after I returned from this astral encounter): it had lasted three hours!

On December 12, 2014, I received three hate emails from aforementioned Robbert van den Broeke. I won't dwell on this here, but let's summarize it with the fact that Robbert is not pleased with my constantly being on his back (public and semi-public) in regards to his fraudulent activities since 2005. Sometimes when I 'bump into' people who are engaging themselves in the 'paranormal' world and hate my guts, I get attacked by 'Hades' at night, that is: I get attacked by negative force fields or whatever you would want to call it (if you are willing to think along with me). But not this night of December 13, 2014, I had this humorous dream and I had to laugh out loud while having it. After that, I had an interesting dream as well. I felt Rob was protecting me against bad Robbert van den Broeke  (for old time's sake, I used this FOK smilie)

December 16, 2014, I again had an amazing astral journey, with a magic spike to it IMO only Rob could come up with, and I will end this report following this. There is much more, but maybe some other time and place. 

After this OBE, I immediately emailed Jan Willem Nienhuys and Pepijn van Erp, telling them about it. I will use this summary because the OBE in fact was much longer, too long for this blog, here it is:

I just had a really great, long astral journey that seemed to have been orchestrated by Rob.
I needed more than 45 minutes just to write it down in my diary and, to me, that's a long time, it was a very long astral journey.

I'm not going to write it all down again, but it started with me for the millionth time laying awake at night and couldn't sleep. I asked Rob in my mind if he could tell a me a 'bedtime' story, so that I could finally relax and fall asleep.
He (...) then narrated me a short story 
that I found very poor and besides, it was much too short. In hindsight it was a very short parable, something to boost my self confidence. I teasingly said to him in my mind, "Never ask Rob Nanninga to tell a story, he's the worst storyteller."

But after that, I did fall asleep and ended up in an astral setting. Rob apparently had his revenge and the "story" had very quirky twists and was also frequently downright humorous. I was in a very large building, rather castle-like, unearthly large spaces everywhere and I hovered around there. I searched Rob again. There were some little 'intimate' details I will not repeat here. This was linked to the short parable that Rob told me (that was about me). Having lots of fun, I called out for Rob, "Rob, where are you?, please come, you can do it!" (While I jumped into the deep and floated in the air).

It ended with a lot of "exaggerated" (but yet not) fanfare that was clearly put in scene (by Rob). I would meet him at a train station where he would arrive by train. There was a lot of music on the platform and a male voice promotion, a noisy commercial spot for the famous Dutch Fairy Tale Attraction Park, the
Efteling blared from the platform speakers. All very exuberant and 'over the moon'. The Efteling is very traditional Dutch: everyone in and beyond The Netherlands loves "The Efteling" since their childhood. Inwardly, I had to laugh heartily.
Although the platform was very crowded at first (and the train had also been unloaded) and I was afraid I wouldn't never be able to find Rob in this crowd, he appeared suddenly all alone, and there were no more other people around. He came from behind frosted light transparent passage doors and alone onto the platform.
Especially and immediately noticeable were his impeccable gentleman looks, neat clothes and neat physical, very fresh appearance, and he was wearing sunglasses. He had short hair. It was Rob in his younger appearance (obviously). Apparently still a bit shy, he wore sunglasses. I asked: "Rob?" My hand already reached for his chest, as if it, sooner than I, had already recognized him. He was looking at me, waiting with a neutral, maybe slightly playful expression on his face.
And pop, I was back in my physical body.

There was much more that happened in between.

This was very exquisite. Rob revenged himself after I teased him: "Never ask Rob to tell a story." The scene on the platform was downright fantastic humorous, with this commercial spot of the Efteling, it was so purposely overdone, and yet the serious but especially blissful setting - that I was finally going to meet him - remained completely intact.

Lion heart 


 

 

"Stenny" & "Parameter", A FOK Story In 9 Images: